I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
(The Fray - How To Save a Life)

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

...
Highlights from week 1 at the new job...

- It doesn't matter where I am, if I'm sitting idle in a moving vehicle, my super powers of sleep start to kick in. If someone is driving and I am the passenger, my eyes will be shut by the time the car is moving. During my commute this week, I overslept my subway stop twice. On Monday, I overslept by about 4 stops. Luckily I planned to get to work 30 minutes early to make a good impression. As it turns out, I got to work 5 minutes early. On Friday, I overslept my commute by about 8 stops. When I had woken up, the subway car was completely empty and the next stop read "Greenwood". I've lived in the Toronto area for the past 20 years and I've never even heard of Greenwood. I hope Santa gives me an alarm clock for Christmas so I can use it for my commute.

- I work in a sausage factory. Of the 30 or so employees at my new company, there are exactly 2 women. One is the company controller and the other one is the vp of marketing.

- I've decided that this 1.5 hr commute to work is good for me. I need to get more exercise. If my tummy gets any bigger, I might not be able to see my penis in the shower. Which makes it hard to wash. No one wants a dirty penis.

- The good thing about working for a company that has so many male workers is that the company Christmas party is at the Toronto Raptors basketball game. That would only fly with the coolest of women.

- There is no dress code at my office. The CEO walks around in jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt.

- The management group are all under 40 years old. My boss is 2 years younger than me.

- Here's something to scare you. For the 10 new business consultants they just hired including me, they had to interview 100 people. 9 out of 10 failed the technical interview. Which means that 9 out of 10 people are dumber than me.